Learn to Change

To do more than survive you have to learn. But the question is how do you learn when you're surviving? Learning also requires that you be vulnerable - open to what others might be able to teach you.

Survival doesn't allow for vulnerability. In our country vulnerability is seen as weakness. The options are fight, flight, or freeze. There's no "learn" in there. No get quiet and listen. No get curious.


So Funny It Hurts

Along with the charisma and the extreme winsomeness, Rudd is uncommonly good at embodying what nonactors spend all their energy trying to conceal: every category of pain, from the glancing to the trenchant. This is a talent with sweeping applications. It is funny in broad comedies, biting in prickly indies, germane in anything romantic. It is charming in real life. You could argue that a 46-year-old actor choosing to play an antlike creature is a study in the entertainment possibilities of pain. What’s more emasculating, as a class of metamorphosis, than miniaturization?

‘‘Pain’’ is obviously too dire a word to describe Rudd’s 2 percent milk face-plant. But it was still a useful demonstration, especially when you think about how invisibly most people respond when they’re uncomfortable (by freezing up, gritting their teeth). Inventive expressiveness (of vulnerability, of suffering) is so rare. It’s what makes certain people enchantingly sympathetic and certain characters relatable.

~ How Does Paul Rudd Work?


I was struck by this line in an article on dating: "Inviting someone to look at you is the first step in inviting them into your lives."

An area where I've felt most vulnerable, for a host of reasons, is when I dress up.  I love fashion, but I hesitate to wear even my best pieces for fear of people looking at me.  How's that for intimacy issues?

I like this re-framing.  Time to let my more fashionable side show!