dating

Lipstick

I was struck by this line in an article on dating: "Inviting someone to look at you is the first step in inviting them into your lives."

An area where I've felt most vulnerable, for a host of reasons, is when I dress up.  I love fashion, but I hesitate to wear even my best pieces for fear of people looking at me.  How's that for intimacy issues?

I like this re-framing.  Time to let my more fashionable side show!

 

Matchmaking Is Not So Easy

From the Talmud to Alvin Roth's blog to here: A Roman lady asked R. Jose b. Halafta: ‘In how many days did the Holy One, blessed be He, create His world”’ He answered: ‘In six days, as it is written, For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, etc.(Ex. XXXI, 17). She asked further: ‘And what has He been doing since that time?’ He answered: ‘He is joining couples [proclaiming]: “A’s wife [to be] is allotted to A; A’s daughter is allotted to B; (So-and-so’s wealth is for So-and-so).”’ Said she: ‘This is a thing which I, too, am able to do. See how many male slaves and how many female slaves I have; I can make them consort together all at the same time.’ Said he: ‘If in your eyes it is an easy task, it is in His eyes as hard a task as the dividing of the Red Sea.’ He then went away and left her. What did she do? She sent for a thousand male slaves and a thousand female slaves, placed them in rows, and said to them: ‘Male A shall take to wife female B; C shall take D and so on.’ She let them consort together one night. In the morning they came to her; one had a head wounded, another had an eye taken out, another an elbow crushed, another a leg broken; one said ‘I do not want this one [as my husband],’ another said: ‘I do not want this one [as my wife].’

 

Midrash Rabbah (VaYikra Rabbah) Translated into English under the editorship of Rabbi Dr. H. Freedman, and Maurice Simon, Leviticus, Chapters I-XIX translated by Rev. J. Israelstam, Soncino Press, London, 1939 Chapter VIII (TZAV)

 

In other words, I've lost all hope for online dating!

The Downsides of a Blog

I had to laugh at this recent NYTimes article. I have definitely been thrown for a loop when meeting a date who has googled me. One fella shook my hand, sat down and proceeded to reveal that he had done an extensive search online. Since then I've learned to say, "Sounds like you've got the jump on me, now it's your turn. Tell me about yourself."

My blog is personal but it's definitely not the whole story. For that, well, you have to get to know me. :)

Dating Sites

Online dating is not fun or particularly effective. When Match.com commercials come on and the announcer says, "1 out of 5 people meet online," my instantaneous reaction is, "That's only 20%!"  

Still, that isn't stopping folks from iterating on the model. Here is a list of the 2012 entrants.

Require Facebook:

1. Yoke.me

2. Skout

3. TheCompleteMe

4. CoffeeMeetsBagel (the twist here is only one match per day; playing the limited time/limited quantity e-commerce angle)

5. MyMatchmaker (here actual matchmakers do the matching)

 

Web Apps:

6. How About We (still a traditional online dating site with profile but concept is to propose dates)

7. FriendlyLook

 

Different Approaches:

8. Hitch.me (this uses your LinkedIn account)

9. Tawkify (dating via the phone with screening of matches by real people)

 

Offline:

10. MeSoFar (based in Chicago; dating by PowerPoint presentation - essentially flirting reduced quite literally to marketing)

11. Urban Girl Squad's Friend of a Friend Singles Party (based in NYC; modeled after Charlotte's "pass the trash" party)

 

Mobile:

12. Grindr/Blendr

13. SinglesAroundMe

 

There are, of course, a ton of dating sites out there, but these seem to be the new ones garnering buzz.

Happy dating!

We're All Racists

As you might have noticed, I like data and nobody does pop data like OKCupid. They are a free online dating site that was acquired by Match.com. I find their science team's work compelling. 

They explored the proposition of not so many white people in the population. The upshot? Most people want to date their own race, but given the current population mix, white people are in demand. Here's a teaser - how Google auto-completes some searches:

Target Rich Environments

So the oft repeated axiom is that dating is all about the numbers. As in, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. But where do you find these frogs, err would-be princes? According to most dating/relationship gurus, you have to focus on Target Rich Environments (TREs). Here's a list of 20 places men are rumored to frequent (not necessarily in this order).

1. Church or temple

2. Major Sporting events: baseball, basketball, hockey

3. Local sporting events: soccer, lacrosse games

4. Sports bars

5. Sporting goods stores

Sensing a theme, yet?

6. Music festivals, concerts, and live bands at bars

7. Art galleries

8. Book stores

9. Car shows

10. Golf courses and tennis courts

11. The bars of trendy restaurants

12. The park and dog runs

13. Hardware stores

14. The Internet

15. The gym

16. Charities

17. Political campaigns or events

18. Auto racing events

19. Airplanes

20. Coffee shops