Image Imago

Harville Hendrix, the co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, hit the mainstream with multiple appearances on Oprah. Oprah even credits him with an aha moment. Imago is Latin for Image and the theory is that we are attracted to people who remind us of our parents in childhood.  In the words of the founder:

"Our unconscious need is to have our feelings of aliveness and wholeness restored by someone who reminds us of our caretakers. In other words, we look for someone with the same deficits of care and attention that hurt us in the first place.

So when we fall in love, when bells ring and the world seems altogether a better place, our old brain is telling us that we've found someone with whom we can finally get our needs met. Unfortunately, since we don't understand what's going on, we're shocked when the awful truth of our beloved surfaces, and our first impulse is to run screaming in the opposite direction."